Guilt – Blue Insights – Medium

Poem that not just rhymes but also tells a story

Narrative poetry

Memories of this night
are engraved in my brain.
Eleven years gone,
Yet emotions are raw.
It was my fourth
night- shift in a row.

and Anorexia have been
its terrible outcome.
My heart is filled with
overwhelming emotion,
and the guilt that I shall
never overcome.

Nothing was unusual
in the emergency room
except my supremely
exhausted brain
showing signs of delirium.

The ER was super busy
from the time my shift started
at 6 pm up until 12.30 am.
Three inpatients remained at 3.15 —
A middle-aged man
with excruciating pain
on its right loin.
A geriatric patient with
late stage Parkinson’s disease,
in the state of hallucination
and delusion.
A twelve-year-old girl
with positive Mc Burney’s sign.

To relieve my bothering headache,
I got my usual shot of morphine.

I must say, night-shift is not so fun
Yet the world expects me
to be as bright as Sun.
My brain stumbles even over number
let alone multiplication,
and simple dose calculation.

Around 4 am,
I closed my eyes
for a brief moment
Only to be startled by the
ranting of my Parkinson patient.

The nurse walked in
with the case sheet
Saying in her cool, casual,
and drowsy tone —
A twenty-one week pregnant woman
with Urinary tract infection
is admitted on bed number one.
Her casual tone sent
‘no emergency’ signals
to my brain.
Not my brain,
but my eyes did the scan.
I said, ‘do the routine’,
Which indicated Amoxycillin.

Assured myself more than her
when I said, ‘I will be there soon’.
I slumped in my chair
and lost into the state of oblivion.

Soon, my brain was activated
by the pacing footsteps of the nurse.
With emergency signals on,
sprinkling water on my face,
and dragging my uncooperative limbs,
I hurried to my patient’s aid.

I made an emergency call
to the medical team
To assist me at that hour of doom.

I saw a woman with a pale face,
barely conscious.
It seemed, she was breathing
through her windpipe
that had turned
into an eye of a needle,
to make death impossible.

As though crushed
under the weight of a huge mountain,
her body was writhing in pain.

My eyes locked into hers
just for a nanosecond.
Yet piercing my soul
like a blazing sword,
leaving behind
the everlasting wound…

With no delay, we put her
on a ventilator.
All her vital signs
under monitor.
Weak pulse, tachycardic heart,
and hypotension.
My team plunged
into necessary action.

What had possibly gone wrong?
I awakened my brain repeatedly
with the same question.
It flashed the reply,
My trembling hands
grabbed the case sheet,
Knowing exactly where,
and what to look at.

I found,
what I expected to find.

The whole world began to spin.
My patient bearing her
tiny world in the womb
is allergic to “Penicillin”.

With panicking heart
but growing hope,
I ran with a syringe
filled with epinephrine.

Her eyes were half shut
and swollen.
She kept it half-open
to pierce my soul again.
Her tongue was protruded,
and bitten.
Evident she had a convulsion.

Without any sign of life,
she laid there
with a new life buried in her.
Leaving behind the burden of guilt
for my weak soul to bear.

My death alone
Shall relieve me of this pain


Medical Terminology

  • *Insomnia — Sleeplessness
    *Anorexia — Reduced appetite
    *Parkinson’s Disease — Ageing associated Neuro-degenerative disorder causing muscle dysfunction
    *Hallucination — Distortion in the person’s perception of reality
    *Delirium — A state of confusion
    *Mc Burney Sign — Clinical sign of Appendicitis
    *Amoxycillin — Anti-biotic drug, a form of Penicillin
    *Penicillin — Anti-biotic
    *Morphine — Powerful narcotic for pain relief (Not recommended for long term use)
    *Tachycardia — Rapid Heart rate

*A middle-aged man
with excruciating pain — Clinical sign for Kidney stone
on its right loin.


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Thanks !

Thanks for sharing this, you are awesome !

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