At 24 years old I was new staff for a local trauma center and I remember an African American guy walking up to me and started small talk. For the course of 6 to 9 months, perhaps I’d notice this guy looking at me, the new girl. He stared at my face, my scrubs, my sneaker selection, and anything else I may have been wearing that day. It never felt creepy or anything of that nature because he’d stare and give a subtle smile in return after he was caught staring at no one else, but me. One day, late at night we got a trauma patient and both ran to the trauma room to care for the patient. After the chaos of the patient was somewhat controlled we stepped outside the room for a brief moment to give the other 15 trauma members more space to save the patient’s life.
We were on stand by, by the main doorway in case they needed us again. Randomly, he asked, “Why aren’t you married. Is there something wrong with your boyfriend, or you.” I chuckled for a bit and responded something the average person would have said. It only hurt when he threw me in a category many people struggle with for whatever reason. “What’s wrong with me”was called an ego because it was loud and ruled my entire universe at that age. As my shift ended and I recovered from the honesty from a kind of stranger and moved on to my bubble life as I like to call it now, yet this question is more common than we woman can agree too.
It may not be asked in the exact manner I was asked years ago but other forms I’ve heard it being asked pushes out the same output. The responses from most of these women have become so intriguing that I find myself paying closer attention to the responses to their family members, friends, colleagues, especially our glorified parents. On the other hand, If I get asked again my response will be as follows, “I am in love with someone. I am special to like certain qualities in a man that the majority of women will twist their heads and wonder why my last relationship’s 100 thousand dollar luxury car, or his parents inheritance did not have an effect on what I am after.
What I look for is as simple as seeing a tree grow if you water it and give it the proper care. Financial freedom is a top priority, but I am always going to be well off. I think there are amazing men out there, but I don’t want them all. At the moment I’m enjoying this process of recognizing without any shame or guilt that someone impressed me to such level that I am mesmerized with all he knows. If something happens between us or not I will always be happy for allowing myself to care for someone I hardly knew in a weird way. It’s not complicated, it becomes complicated when we can’t accept or admit to the closest people that you like someone and don’t know how to handle the pressures of society.
The young guy I like is not Mexican, so his family may have a big problem with that. I can hear the gossip on my end with family however the people that count in my life is not who you think does. Although everyone is magnificent in my world, I am not sorry you’re hearing something you didn’t expect to hear because sometimes we become robots within the same thoughts of others. It’s actually 100 other things that we let turn into autopilot when it needs to be updated every year or so. I am in love with a special boy because he is the opposite sex of me and I am going to continue to enjoy it until the end.”