I am sure most mums can relate to this. We are the humans having most melt downs and experiencing the most guilt for not doing enough. For not being enough. It feels like no matter how hard I try, I can never reach my own standards. But what if these standards are not mine, coming from within me?
I often fear I am not being the best mum. What if my son grows up being an abuser because I am not doing a good job now?
I know I am fully responsible for the upbringing of my child so I fear if I am doing enough. When I have several bad days, I lose all my patience. How can I possibly be composed around him when my head will explode of worries? Well, ideally I smile back at my son and be there with him. But when I fail and tears run down my face and anger boils my blood that too is part of me.
And I need to accept the challenges of life and learn to cope better each time. But anger, fear, tears, doubt, they are all part of the human life. You mustn’t feel guilty for feeling negative emotions. You mustn’t feel guilty for needing a break to cry and pull your thoughts together. It is part of human nature and your kids will feel these emotions too. All you can do is help them develop healthy coping mechanisms and reassure them it is ok to let off the steam when needed.
I don’t want to snap at my child. I hate when I do that. I can see confusion in his eyes.
Why am I reacting like this? His behaviours are not new. Why today I choose to shout at him? And he is right. I shouldn’t be doing it because it is not him at fault. I am unable to digest my emotions and I take it out on him. Or anybody else in the house for the matter. Or anybody in traffic. Or my neighbours.
When anger is bursting out of you, make a wise decision. Go in the car, park, garden, garage, storage room, whatever you have available and cry it out.