This past year, 2018 has been one of the most amazing years of my life. I’ve gotten to experience friends, sobriety taken to new lengths, and hardships that I never dreamed of. Starting in late January 2018 my son got sick with what turned out to be whooping cough, finding out that he had something he was vaccinated against was shocking. How could this have happened?! Turns out it happens quite a bit. After months of coughing, and lingering cough, months of what felt like insanity and annoyance of hearing the cough he was also diagnosed with high functioning autism spectrum disorder. Whoa what a start to 2018! But no fear, March 2018 meant I was officially 30 years old, I celebrated with my family and moved on with life.
Life continued, it always does, I was approaching 1000 days sober, I was getting used to saying things such as easy does it, one day at a time, life on life’s terms, and I started my own recovery group. 2018 was filled with such amazing growth! Shortly after my recovery group formed I flew off to Atlanta, Georgia to meet up with some sober members and friends, after getting back to California I started exercising and getting into the habit of being healthy. Plus I was excited to attend She Recovers. She recovers was such an amazing life changing experience, Meeting celebrities, hearing stories, connecting with ladies from across the world- I’ve truly never been so happy as I was that weekend, me coming from what was a dark horrible world to pure happiness a few years later was the epitome of what it means to live my best life. And I continued the trend by attending Recovery Fest in Rhode Island 2 weeks later and getting to attend my first sober concert.
In October 2018 life again lost its shiny layer of pink and I started having pains. Maybe I was exercising too much, maybe life just wasn’t that great. Turns out I probably should not have taken a spin class. My body just didn’t agree with the bike, the class, the type of exercise and I unfortunately developed an abscess on my butt. Now maybe you’re wondering why I would dare share such an embarrassing thing. I do so because I developed this thing and ignored it for weeks thinking it was soreness, or a bruise- It wasn’t. It was an abscess, or boil depending on the doctor and mid November it came to a head, a few doctors visits later and they were performing in office surgery, and let me just say I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. Novocain while numbing the skin does not take away the pain. You see the procedure is quite middle ages, they numb your skin then proceed to cut it open draining out the pus. They then give you antibiotics and send you home.
The beauty of it is I’m in recovery I’ve experienced so many brutal things in life, pain, misery, defeat, desperation, I knew that if I just kept pushing through happiness would come back. It’s just a learning experience, and sure enough a few weeks later I celebrated my 3rd sober birthday, my 4th sober Christmas and New Years; BUT I was also told I had to have a fistulectomy “ is a surgical procedure where a fistulous tract is excised (cut out) completely. This is compared with fistulotomy, where the fistulous tract is merely laid open to heal.” Now again I share this because I thought I was alone in this, who at 30 has gone through this, why me, why is this happening to me, Am I ever going to get better?
Fear not. Life is full of mysteries, surgery is scary but I had the surgery and while its one of the most painful and weirdest surgeries of my life I just want to say to you, never ignore you body, trust your instincts, and no you’re not alone.